Set Them Free

Photo source: here

Photo source: here

It is one thing to seek freedom for our own life; to let go of things holding us back. But it is on a whole new level of maturity, dignity and integrity to be able to take full responsibility for our own happiness, releasing people from any expectations we hold over them –to set them free. True freedom is actually about other people.

I have felt for most of my life that I too easily give away my power, relying too much on others to make me happy! I have spent most of my life placing loved ones in an invisible box of expectations and then becoming completely undone when they don't stay within my secret code of boundaries. This is something I have been aware of for many years, and have been working on to better my relationships (especially my marriage). I have become so passionate in yearning for freedom in this area... To be able to release people in a loving way. And after all the hard work, I am starting to see progress.

But isn't it always the way... When you start pressing buttons, they flare a blinking red in your face, blinding you until you adjust to the feeling of being completely exposed. So the fight hasn't been easy. It is similar to training a toddler how not to have a tantrum! But persisting with it has brought me to a place where I can now recognise and clearly process the smallest flickers of a trigger, that would normally send me spiralling into old habits of hostile reactions while grasping for acceptance. I can now see it before it happens, which gives me the space to stop and process, taking back my power and releasing others (usually my husband) from the expectation to somehow fix me!

I have noticed big changes in the smallest of things. I was laying on the couch today thinking, wow this is the first time in a long time, I have stopped and taken time out for myself without anyone prompting me to do so. Normally I have something else to do. But that doing was more a way for me to find value somehow. And as inefficient as it was I would keep doing for fear of stopping and reaching some conclusion that I was worthless. So this little moment of rest was a measure of how far I have come.

I am finally learning how to take responsibility for my own wellbeing, on a practical level. I have known about this feat for so long, but now to see myself fulfilling something that is so restorative I can't even begin to imagine the long-terms effects if I can continue to keep my power and set people free.

Now I feel strong enough to give of myself in a more genuine way. Instead of shutting myself off, for fear of how people might perceive me, I am leaning into the vulnerability and giving away my unconditional love rather than my power! No expectations attached to a kind gesture, a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a hug or a surprise gift. This is true freedom. No-one is responsible for my actions or my thoughts, so I can proudly love others as I please and not relate how they respond back to my own identity or worth.

Relationships will only become richer for the hard work we put into this area. Love will triumph all brokenness, all fear, if we pursue it with a pure heart. Be the inspiration ladies!

Love Heids Xx

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Heidi Lakin

Heidi Lakin is a new mum to the beautiful Emera (born June 2012) and wife to best friend, Chad Lakin. Her story is not uncommon, having struggled for over 10 years with self-image issues that developed into eating disorders, depression, obsessive compulsive behaviour and anxiety. Her success in overcoming such perplexing battles is less common, which is why she founded Blussh - an online initiative that focuses on equipping women to find their sense of worth and committing to a life of freedom. Heidi has a vision to help women through such issues, but more importantly to help prevent poor body-image, self-doubt and everything that follows, in our young girls.