Flying Blind

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Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Like not knowing the ice cream you just ate was actually out of date, because it tasted oh so good. Or not realising until a whole conversation later that you still have remnants of that same old ice cream on your nose. It is only after the fact that we become embarrassed or queazy. But in the moment - we didn't care, we were free of all judgement!

And then there are the times when ignorance is definitely not bliss, in fact it is outright painful! Like the time you say something you really shouldn't have because you simply didn't take the time to pause, and understand someone else's circumstance. Or when you rant and rave on about your point of view only to find out later you were completely wrong. These are the moments you really wish you had insight, and a better perspective.

Thank goodness we don't know all of our own shortcomings all the time, because if we did, we may just go crazy! But when we defiantly ignore the things that trip us up because we are holding onto a detrimental way of thinking or living like life revolves around "self", we become blind to the needs of others around us. We also choose to become unteachable, unwilling, and stubborn. It is like a dog with a bone. No room for anything else in their peripheral vision - and even if there was, ain't no-doggy got time for that.

I know when I am inwardly focused, life has no spark and I lose sight of what is really important. I also tend to make a lot of noise and bark at my problems to no positive effect. In fact my appearance seems to change from being bright and happy, to a sort of cold, lifeless almost manic look. But when I take the risk to care about, think about, and love others, life is more wonderful than I could have imagined and I find myself oozing with grace, which is quite astounding for me! The up-tight, judgemental, self-conscious person I can tend to be wouldn't recognise the gracious transformation that takes place.

It is the difference between someone who throws integrity and good manners out the window just to get their point across or win an argument, and someone who remains of good character despite any risk of looking foolish or wrong. Why is it so important to be right? Why is it so important to make sure someone hears your opinion? It isn't, if you believe you are valued. You don't need to prove anything!

For me it comes down to this: It's not about me. I've lost count of the number of times I tell myself that to ensure I don't lose that grace... But by the leaps and bounds I have come, in light of where I've been, it's not only crucial, it's worth it! Life is so small, and narrow when we make it about "self". Where can that take us? How can a life that revolves only around myself ever satisfy?

Life is sweetest when it is about others; It is not about what I can get, but about what I can give. When I throw away all those concerns about what people might think of me, I feel released to make mistakes, be imperfect, achieve things I never would have even tried had I been self conscious! But more importantly, I feel free to love without calculation, or analysis. I can just be and not expect much in return. Self-centredness is a quick plummet to unhappiness, especially in a relationship because you are always left disappointed. Who in this world could ever keep up with your every intricate need and demand?

We have to let it go and trust in the belief that loving others is more satisfying than waiting for someone to love us.

Love Heids Xx