Image  Source

Image Source

I have melancholy moments. I was going to write 'I admit, I have melancholy moments'... but it is not something I have to admit (so I have learnt). It is something I have embraced. Yes I can be thrown into the depths of my own mind and feel completely overwhelmed by the raw emotions I may find there. Yes I am creative and with that comes the ability to submerge into the various layers of rationale, passion, humanity and consciousness. For some reason there has been a bad connotation attached to the melancholy. But really, it is where some of the most astounding creatives live, what with all their talent and inspiration... A place that can be both desolate and magnificent, defiant and enterprising. It sounds unstable, because it can be, but it doesn't have to be.

I have figured one thing out; beauty comes from the ashes, but it is all about embracing the beast while learning how to master it. I had to teach myself how to let it be, while directing it into the luster. But it is ever so easy to have those 'moments' where you instantly feel the weight of the world on your shoulders despite your efforts to stay lifted. In these 'moments' I can find it incredibly hard to lift my face to the sun and feel its warmth on my skin, turn my head from the sorrow or darkness and feel the light. Even fashioning a smile becomes a chore.

I don't know about you, but sometimes it is harder for me to choose to smile, rather than stay put in my ruminative fog. But I am determined to overcome, making a commitment to being the best version of myself. And the best version of myself smiles despite the depths of despair.

In fact, choosing the sunshine can save you a world of unnecessary discord within yourself. Sometimes it is necessary to ponder and meditate, feeling the weight behind your emotions, your surroundings. That is where imagination and artistry can take place. But there needs to be a balance.

This morning, I woke up in the fog. For me it often happens in the morning. Something tries to pull me down into a state of introspection. So, I struggled with it for a while and eventually decided to write a blog. Instantly I felt lighter. It is what you do with what life throws at you that counts. Everyday I work hard at putting my energy into my creative work and building the Blussh community. Without purpose we perish (especially the melancholy).

I am hoping to help countless women feel better about themselves, because it has been something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I had the tendency to see the worst in people (because I had always seen the worst in myself). I would look at life like it was cruel and unfair. I had no sense of worth or belief in myself, yet I strived for perfection and excellence. What a whirlwind of torment! Today I can look back and feel proud with the person I have become. I am a strong, confident woman who has a sense of great value and knows her strengths. But I wouldn't be that without the constant battle of finding my way; the relentless struggle to learn how to smile despite all else.

So I encourage you today girls, smile! Take time to feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Look at the bright side of life and know that everything is good. Even though your circumstances may be telling you that life is not good, find it in yourself to believe. Turn your head away from the darkness and into the light.

Love Heids xx


Heidi Lakin

Heidi Lakin is a new mum to the beautiful Emera (born June 2012) and wife to best friend, Chad Lakin. Her story is not uncommon, having struggled for over 10 years with self-image issues that developed into eating disorders, depression, obsessive compulsive behaviour and anxiety. Her success in overcoming such perplexing battles is less common, which is why she founded Blussh - an online initiative that focuses on equipping women to find their sense of worth and committing to a life of freedom. Heidi has a vision to help women through such issues, but more importantly to help prevent poor body-image, self-doubt and everything that follows, in our young girls.