Since becoming a mum, there have been corners, cracks and creases of my life that have been poked at deeper than I thought I could bear and brought into the heated spotlight for serious examination. To say my patience and ability to see the positive in every situation has been tested is an understatement!
And all the mums said 'amen'... right?! Well isn't it funny that we all probably go through the same roller-coaster of emotions, but struggle to talk about it because we 'feel alone' in our experience. Perhaps we are afraid people will point the 'you have postnatal depression' finger at our already bruised skin? Whatever the reason, we tend to feel heroic in our silence... Or ashamed in reaching out for help.
I will be the first to admit this has been a sore point for me. My pride often stops me from raising a hand for help. I was always good at putting on the brave front. In fact I almost treated it like a competition; If everyone else sees how perfect my life is, they will love and accept me. What a sad delusion that is.
Before becoming a mum this area was a work in progress. Now, almost 4 months in, I am on an express track to humility, learning how to reach out for help!
Life isn't perfect but oh how the mess of life helps to create perfect moments! Currently I am the happiest I have ever been, but in this season I have faced some of the saddest moments of my life. Why? Because (and this is just one example) it is really hard to watch your relationship with your husband change so dramatically while simultaneously you are both bursting with love for your new baby! So many layers of change, adjustment, emotion, learning curves and tenderness take place in this transitional phase of life. Becoming a mum has brought me my greatest joy while stretching me with my greatest challenges.
I am telling you this because life is full of these complexities... We can all relate on some level. So the lesson here is to keep on keeping on. I have taken a dose of my own medicine. I try to stay positive where I feel I could give up... and I soak in the moments of joy, love and euphoria when they graciously greet me. Lack of sleep doesn't make it easy, but you have to make the most of those sweet-spots; (like Tetris) before we have time to think we hear the change of music and suddenly everything is falling 'out-of-place' at a rapid rate. But every now and again you get a sweet 'in-sync' moment, giving you room and strength to go on.
Most importantly I lean on my family and closest friends for support, asking for help without hesitation because I know they will still love me no matter how overwhelmed I feel at times. I also respect the fact that they can say no at any time because they are in control of their own boundaries (it is crucial to appreciate other people's boundaries, which relieves any pressure and leaves room for a more genuine relationship). Furthermore I have learnt that asking my husband for help when I need it is much better than waiting to blow up at him from feelings of bottled resentment :s. Being honest and open with the people around you helps sustain you.
Love Heids Xx Xx