In the last 2 years, I have been battling with something that has, on numerous occasions, bounced me between various extremes; my mind stubbornly begging to lay down in defeat, while my heart yearns for a victory, and visa versa. It is a crazy tug-of-war relationship amidst the great advocacy of our logic and emotions. Oh and how things can quickly turn nasty, right?!
The classic 'I've been hurt' defence mechanism always seems to make itself right at home in our behavioural response to these painful situations. Mine can range from, deflecting the pain I feel onto someone else, to retreating into a shell of introspective turmoil. As these last 2 years have slipped and skidded by, I have seen the full range of these defensive states at work. Nothing to be too proud of! Yet, while learning to be aware of these reactions and responses, I have felt a strengthening of my capacity to deal with the real problem and move on. I am slowly understanding the rewards of actually hitting the hard issues straight on rather than burying my head in the sand, while emotions run riot (something I seem to be particularly good at).
Life, as we know it, is really just a shade of the real deal; a wishy-washy tone of the deepest, darkest, lightest, brightest colours - our perception is shaped by the naturally narrow frames we see the world through. These frames can be fabricated through personal experience, beliefs, up-bringing, moments of pain, joy... the list goes on. These frames are the reason we allow ourselves sometimes destructive and unhealthy defence mechanisms (self-harm or harming others at the top of the list).
What frames are you looking through? I am always trying to recognise the frames by which my view of the world is being influenced, in hope to see what is really going on - the truth (that is when we can deal with the underlying questions in our life and bring clarity to our circumstances). In return, this preserves the love in my life towards both myself and others!
So the 2 year battle is already dancing to the tune of victory - there is a lot of (colourful) light at the end of the tunnel. However, I can't take these valleys for granted by rushing to the next high mountain. There are precious life lessons to be learnt. I feel like my character is being refined because I am realising the power in shifting your perspective, something we all need to do every now and again, due to its often stubborn and limited ways!
So... remember, life is colourful - and doesn't always stay inside the lines. Let yourself see the true colours and enjoy them, even when life dishes you a beige!
Love Heids Xx